xviii 3:56 am

mother snoring 

cocooned in three of my blankets 

i shiver beside her

tank top bears naked shoulders

pock-marked

with goose pimples

a sacrifice i make so she sleeps without 

night sweats.

two bodies sardined

 in my queen bed

too cramped to fit the both of us

comfortably            i’m so happy.

if i’m not careful the tears will

drown us both. if i’m not careful

the week will pass by in a sigh 

she’ll be in bitter wisconsin i’ll

start my new job

my nightly lullaby 

will resume its chorus of fan droning

its monotonous oscillations a hum of dread

that lurks in the corners

of my amygdala, low

enough not to be heard

by the jinns in my closet but

loud enough to keep me awake.

the cells within me cry for metamorphosis 

but i hate moving to a new apartment 

i hate taking down the knock knacks from

my walls 

placing dusty antiques in boxes i hate 

staring at bare white walls that bear 

their white teeth at me sink 

their incisors into my neck remind 

me as they mangle 

my carcass that life is unflinching and 

carries on unbothered

a shitty ex

to emerge with wings from heaven one must

peel the 

dead flesh away and run 

it through a shredder

i wish i could remain cocooned next to

my mother

her snores cacophonying in my skull

a moment recorded 

and filed away in my cerebral cortex

for my metorphisized self to flip through

when i crave b&w memories.